Sihanoukville, where the streets have no names
December 21st, 2009
Our last stop in Cambodia was the beach town of Sihanoukville. Named for the King of the later half of the 20th century, the town is supposedly the Thai Islands of 15 years ago. In the pyramid of cool everything has a half-life, and whereas the Thai Islands star is waning among the hardcore cool due to over commercialisation and populism, that of Sihanoukville is rising. Off the beaten track, 12 hours from Siam Reap, only backpackers make it to this town. There is not a rich cash flashing 2 week tourist for 200 miles. Everyone we had met for the last 2 months raved about Sihanoukville and we wanted to know why.

At the kerb in Sihanoukville
It was 6am when we arrived on the overpriced night-bus (17 dollars) but it was more comfortable than those in VN. We slept pretty well with the help of some over-the-counter-not-a-hope-in-a-regulated-country sleeping pills, despite the bumpy Cambodian roads. You have to remember in Cambodia that this is a country only beginning to construct a semblance of a modern road network. In most towns a 6am arrival is not an issue, even on a Sunday. The locals are already through breakfast and cleaning their shops, restaurants or guest houses preparing for the day. Sihanoukville was different. We got a tuk-tuk to Mick & Craigs budget hostel, to find it still closed. Next door at Monkey Republic it was the same story again. I sat with the rucksacks, smoking (because I am a bad man) and Elaine went walkabout to check a few of the other hostels nearby. All closed. We gathered the bags and ambled off in the direction of a few more hostels we had marked on our map and on passing a small street shack shop were asked if we needed a room. A rather nice collection of rooms, hidden, without a bar or restaurant, but clean and a good bed and bathroom for 6 dollars a night. Thank you very much. It was only 6.45 and there were still 40 travelers from our bus wandering the dusty streets looking for rooms or non-existent breakfast but we had a bed and we were happy.
After a rest, a coffee & croissant at a French bistro(the thrill of it), we sidled off to the beach. To call it a beach could be stretching it a little (and stretch it someone should). Technically it was made of sand and it did have sea frontage but is that the criteria fulfilled? Bar shacks line what is 10 feet of beach at the widest point. In some places a single beach lounger would have the tide lapping around its front feet while its back feet were off the beach. Flip-flops stolen by the sea were a common bobbing sight. I couldn’t help thinking that you cant peg back the sea with a few sandbags but many shacks had their frontage lined with sandbags to try and save a few precious inches.
The loungers are free to those eating or drinking a a particular shack and with about 50 in a row there is a lot of choice. We chose by the price of the food, the softness of the bed and crucially, the width of the beach. There is very little as relaxing as the sun, the sound of the sea and a good book. In my case “Down Under” by Bill Bryson. But folks that is where the chilling out ended. In the next 10 minutes no less than 20 hawkers of all makes & measures vied for my attention, and more importantly my dollars. “Hello Sir, You new here? You just arrived? You want bracelet/sunglasses/book/massage/waxing/manicure/fruit/shrimps/pedicure/threading/hat/you name it I got it/perhaps marijana?” Children, teenagers,mammies, grannies, daddies, blind beggars, bling beggars, legless beggars, armless beggars, army beggars, big beggars, beg of my neighbour, pick me! Are you getting the picture here? How on earth is a man to relax in that atmosphere? It’s amplified of course by the tightness of the beach, all the travelers corralled like wild horses ready to be broken, and I was tired, but there is still only so many times a man can say No thank you and mean it. Not to mention the fairer sex, who will routinely have their legs caressed by a nomad “beautician” paired with the words “Not so smooth, you need smooth? I thread your legs”. At this point the hawker will sit on the girl in questions lounger and start her work oblivious to protestations of the “What the hell!” nature. Ladies, if you go down to the beach today, be sure to shave your legs…. We lasted about 2 hours. Enough time to have lunch, a beer, take malaria tablets and get thoroughly annoyed.

Later that day we decided to eat at the french bistro on beach road where we had drank coffee that same morning. Good food, good coffee, happy days. Happy chef. Very happy chef. He was chain smoking weed. A few more french men sat at the makeshift bar (I say makeshift because though it was title a french bistro, it was actually a french shack) rolling up and passing around the joints. So the chef was happy. I didn’t mind, I’ve been known to be a little happy on occasion myself, I just thought this a little obvious…
As we got to know Sihanoukville over the course of that evening and the next day, it transpired that everyone was happy. There were happy shakes, happy pizzas, happy salads, you name it the talented chefs could happy it up a notch or two. People smoked weed on the beach, in the bars, in tuk-tuks, under the stars. I’m getting poetic in my passively acquired happiness. This is why everyone was singing the praises of the little town. It was like Rag Week in a cannabis plantation. It didn’t matter that the streets weren’t paved, that the beach was being stolen by the sea and that legs weren’t shaved. It just didn’t matter.
There were a lot of older western men in Sihanoukville also, the good character of whom couldn’t be safely assumed. There are plenty of such men throughout south east Asia, finding easy dollars bring easy virtue, but in this little town in southern Cambodia there was an unusually high concentration. It’s never fun to share a bar with a sleazy git.

The setup at IBall
We decided to be adventurous. There was a new Zorbing park opened up outside of town and we thought it might be a fun way to spend a day. Zorbing for the uninitiated, as I was, is the fun of being hurled down a steep hill inside a giant inflatable ball.

The wet Ball
There are wet balls for slopping and sliding around inside and their are dry balls where you are strapped in and complete 360 degree rotations inside the ball as it rolls at high speeds down the hill. Both are a lot of fun, but the dry ball in particular is off the scale. It is more disorientating than any theme park ride, more adrenaline spike, more crazy. The park, called I-ball, also features a zipline with a drop in a pond, beach-football & volleyball and archery equipment has been ordered. Colm from Ireland who runs the park enjoys a chat and is more than willing to fill the afternoon with anecdotes of life in Cambodia. When the I-ball park gets off the ground and there are groups 20 or 25 it will be a great day out. On our day there were only 7 so it wasn’t all that it could be, but the balls were still great fun.

Inside the dry ball
It must be admitted that we did have lunch one bright and sunny afternoon at “Happy Herbs Pizza”. 2 Anghor Draft and a medium pepperoni pizza please. Big happy or little happy? We plumped for medium and spent the afternoon on the beach in a pleasantly relaxed manner. An Italian couple ate next to us, with their 2 young children. Maybe they had had too much sugar and needed calming down.Will no taboo remain uncrossed? That afternoon I finished “Down Under” on the beach and swapped it with another Bryson reader for “Shakespeare”. An easier transaction never was conducted. I gave in to a gabby little girl and had a bracelet weaved for a dollar. Damn pizza!

Cambodia was thataway
On the whole we were unimpressed with Sihanoukville. After all we had heard we were disappointed in the poor beach, (though apparently Otres Beach up the road is great), the disgusting toilets, the pushy hawkers and the singular dimension to the travelers entertainment. We came, we tried, we left. It was a pity to leave Cambodia with this fizzled out little dust-bowl as our freshest memory because it had been a great visit in the main, and surprising. But onwards and westward to Thailand and beyond. There are green curries to be had.















